Friday, 30 June 2017

how God denied me things that turned out to be the best for me

When I had my big house, it was a matter of keeping up with trends. The best vases, The best carpet, the best curtains, the best lamps, the best table and dinning chairs, the most expensive of pillows, the best of sofas, the more expensive, the better. That way, no one would reach where I was. Or atleast it would take them time.
But I tell you it was not enough for my eyes to look at our house things to feel some sort of accomplishment. I got tempted to throwing house parties to show off my good taste. So that they would give me praise on how "I had made it".  What kept me from inviting people into my house was my hubby. He never wanted to serve any of the few guests I brought to our house. He never wanted not even the milk he had bought to be shared with my guests in fear of what would we eat tomorrow. Am not kidding. Even sharing something as small as milk became a problem. Financially, we were very unstable. All these worked out for the good. God planned it all out for the best. Because had I started throwing bashes, my house would have been the "get together for people." I would have never stopped throwing bashes because the way I had decorated our house and kept it so clean, I would have started living on the peoples praise. To fill the big empty house. Atleast they would have come and thought how lucky I was to have it all and shown me that I was doing something good with my life. That I was important in the society.
What I never thought through: I would have broken the first 2 commandments:
1). People would have come and worshipped the things I had. By idolizing them. By feeling that without those things, life could not be possible. Thus selling the picture that having those "things" is a good god. Thus breaking the most important commanded ever made: You should never have any gods before the LORD. You should not even think of making anything more important than the Lord.
2). My friends would have come and some gotten depressed with their lives on seeing my house. Their pain would be like a loud earthquake of a cry to the Lord on why He has forgotten them. The Lord would not fail their cry and I would have ended up having havoc in my own home. Something would have happened during the bash or in my life to remind me that theres problems in this world. To keep me at humility level.
3) Some would have come and thought on a plot on how to steal from me. This could have ended up being a murder case because they would have come armed and whoever would try to fight them would get injured if not killed. Commandment no: 6 "you should not murder." I couldn't have blamed them. I would be as fully responsible of their actions as they. I would have led them into temptation.
4). Some would have come and hated me by thinking am having it all good. Hate is murder in the eyes of God. Commandment no 6.
5). I would have broken the adultery commandment no:7:  Some would have come and fornicated in my house. Am sure alot of them.
6) I would have led others to commit the commandment of "you should not steal" no:8 Some would have come and stolen some "valuables". But how could I put the blame on them? If I could invite people, to show off, not all who would have come would have been angels. Some would have come in hopes of making money out of me. They wouldn't even have felt the pain of stealing from me. They would think I had so much. And that it won't even matter to me.
7). I would have made some commit the crime of giving false testimony no:9  Making up stories about me so that I would not be "it".
8). I would have broken Commandment no. 10. You should not wish for any of your neighbours anything; not the wife; not the workers nor any property they own.
 I would not have coveted my own property obviously. I was buying them in the first place to be given praise. At first it was for our little family but my hubby didn't think much of the things we had. And our little baby didn't care where we lived. All she cares is that we are together and not fighting. A little hero she is. But it wasn't enough at that time. I needed more. So I needed other peoples praise. That indeed I had good taste if not great. All so that I may be given a praise to push me through the empty days. But the guests I would have brought with me would have coveted everything I owned. They would have thought that that was true happiness. That way I would have led them down a different path in life. On the material wealth one. But its a very empty one and what happens when God gives us all the same property? To equalize us? I would have become desperate as there would be no more people to praise my "things" anymore. This would have led me to drink. Drinking life away to escape it. That all that big house means absolutely nothing. That all that big house cannot bring even the tiniest bit of happiness.  Then my heart would be as empty as my big house before I knew Jesus.

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